I think my partner is controlling me
Control can be hard to explain and describe when it happens to you. Even people who care about us might say 'it's nothing' when it's seen from the outside. But if your gut says something is off, listen to that voice. It can be hard to decide to leave a relationship if you're in love, and it can be really hard to leave if you're being controlled. But control almost always gets worse and can lead to serious physical violence. Learn how to get out safely, without escalating things, and do it as soon as possible.
Love Better helpline
Txt lovebetter to 234 or
Visit youthline.co.nz for webchat
If aged 25 or older call
0800 456 450
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I think I'm controlling my partner
It's crucial you recognise this, and that's not easy to stomach. But it's the first step to understanding that if you're controlling your partner, you are harming them, even if that isn't your intention. If you're used to being the boss in the relationship, it can be scary to let go and give your partner the freedom to live their own life. Control is a type of abuse, and if left unchecked, it almost always gets worse. If that's not who you want to be, you can get help now to get back into a safe and healthy relationship with your partner. If you aren't ready to change, it's safer to walk away until you can.
Love Better helpline
Txt lovebetter to 234 or
Visit youthline.co.nz for webchat
Mental Health helpline
Txt 1737
Visit
I think someone I care about is being controlled
If you think someone else is being controlled by their partner, you might be able to help them identify that something's off. Control can be hard to spot when it's clouded by feelings of love, and if it's one of their first ever relationships they might not know what's normal. Being controlled might have left them feeling bad about themselves or blaming themselves for their partner's behaviour. When you talk to them about your concerns, don't judge their partner, as this might make them defensive. Instead, focus your concerns on the behaviour you are seeing and let them know you care about them and are worried for them. Don't share anything they tell you without talking to them first, and never share what they tell you with the person controlling them. Control almost always gets worse and can lead to serious physical violence.
Family Violence helpline
0800 456 450
Visit
I think someone I care about is controlling their partner
Being in a relationship doesn't give anyone the right to control their partner. But some people don't understand that it's not normal and not okay. When you talk to them about your concerns, don't judge them, as this might make them defensive. Focus on the behaviours you are seeing, not the person. Let them know you care about them, and offer to support them in seeking help.
Family Violence helpline
0800 456 450